The Impala is driving down a dark road. It is night. Lightning is flashing in the sky as old-style horror movie music plays. The Impala passes a sign reading “Welcome to Pennsylvania” but in the flash of lightning, it reads “Welcome to Transylvania”. In the car, Dean looks annoyed and turns off the radio. “The radio around our sucks.” He looks at Sam, who is looking at a map. “C’mon man, jobs don’t get much greater than this,” he says. “Dead vic with a gnawed on neck… body drained of blood… and a witness who swears up and down that it was a vampire.” “No, I agree. It’s a hell of a case,” Sam replies. Dean looks at him. “A little more gusto, please,” he says. Sam puts down the map. “It’s just, the world is coming to an end. Things are a little complicated, you know.” “Well we can’t save the world. Not today, anyway,” Dean replies. “But what we can do, is chop off some vamps’ heads. C’mon man, it’s like the good old days. An honest-to-goodness monster hunt! It’s about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straight forward, black and white case.” He smiles at Sam, but Sam still looks grumpy.

Dean and Sam get out of the car, in a place with a sign over that reads “Oktoberfest”. Girls are walking around dressed as barmaids, and people are taking pictures. The boys are wearing suits. “You know we still gotta see the new Raiders movie,” Dean says as the boys enter the plaza. “Saw it,” Sam replies. Dean stops a looks at him. “Without me?” “You were in Hell,” Sam says. Dean shakes his head. “That’s no excuse.” He looks away, and hears a man calling “Pretzels!” “Big pretzel,” he says, and heads for the stand. Sam smiles and shakes his head.

At the stand, Dean hands Sam a pretzel. As the boys start eating, one of the barmaid girls walks by and says “Gutentak.” Dean watches her walk by appreciatively and says “Gutentak yourself.” He looks at Sam and Sam smiles back. They see a police officer talking to some people, and Sam says, “Looks like that’s our man.” They walk over, and Sam says “Sheriff Dietrich.” “Are you the boys from the Fed?” the man asks, and Sam and Dean show him their badges. “Agents Angus, and Young,” Sam replies. “We called ahead about your… problem.” “Oh yeah, well I’ll tell you what, why don’t we talk this out away from the crowd, huh?” the sheriff replies.

Morgue

The sheriff pulls out a metal tray with a body on it, and pulls back the cloth. There is a dead woman underneath. “Marissa Wright,” the sheriff says. He says she was just here for the Oktoberfest. “Terrible,” he says. “Just terrible. It’s the last thing this town needs at peak tourist season.” “Definitely the last thing Marissa Wright needed,” Sam says. Dean reaches over and turns the dead woman’s head, to reveal two small holes in her neck. “What the hell?” he says, exchanging glances with Sam. “Yeah, you got me. This killer’s some kind of Grade A whacko, right? Some Satan-worshipping-Anne-Rice-reading-gothic-psycho-vampire-wannabe.” “Sheriff, in your report, you mentioned a witness,” Dean reminds him. “Yeah, I wish I didn’t,” he says. “But the witness insisted. That’s Ed Brewer. Not exactly what you’d call reliable.” He closes the metal tray.

Bar

The boys walk into a bar, and head to the counter. The girl from earlier is there, as well as another maid. “I remember you,” she says, smiling at the boys. “Yeah and I remember you,” Dean says, smiling back, and looking at her nametag. “Jamie. I never forget a pretty… everything.” “We’re looking for Ed Brewer,” says Sam. “What do you want with Ed?” she asks. “Well, we are… Federal Agents,” Dean replies, and they boys take out their badges. “Mr. Brewer was witness to a serious crime, we just need to…” “Wait a minute, you’re… Feds?” she asks, smiling. “Well you… don’t come on like a Fed.” She smiles again. “Seriously?” Dean leans forward. “I’m a maverick,” he replies. “A rebel with a badge… One thing I don’t play by? The rules.” He winks. “Okay Maverick,” Sam says, and Dean steps back. “So where can we find Mr. Brewer?”

Ed Brewer is sitting drinking beer out of a giant keg as he talks to the boys. He wipes his mouth. “I told the cops everything I saw. No one believes me. Why should you be any different.” He points at them. “Believe me, Mr. Brewer,” Dean says. “We’re different.” “I spoke the God’s honest truth,” Ed says. “And now I’m the town joke.” “Marissa Wright’s murder is no joke to us,” Sam puts in. “And we wanna hear everything. No matter how strange it may seem.” “We have a lot of experience with strange,” Dean adds. Ed nods, then takes another big drink of beer, wipes his mouth again, then gives them the thumbs up. “It was just after midnight. I just left here, and like I do every night, I cut through the park on the way home.” He walks his fingers across the table. “At first I thought it was a couple kissing. But she was… struggling too much. And this man, he was… well, he was biting her neck.” “Well, can you describe her assailant?” Sam asks. “Oh, he was a vampire,” Ed replies. “Okay right. And by that you mean…” Dean prompts. “You know, a vampire,” Ed says. “He looked like a vampire, you know, with the fangs, and the slicked back hair, and the fancy cape and the little medallion thingy on the… ribbon.” “You mean like a Dracula?” Dean asks incredulously. “Exactly! Like a Dracula. Right down to the accent,” Ed says. “The accent?” Sam asks with a smile. Ed looks at him, and he stop smiling. “What did he say?” “You know, something like…” he throws his arm across his eyes and says in a strange voice, “Stay away, mortal! The night is mine.” He lowers his arm. “You do believe me, don’t you?” The boys stare.

At the bar, Jamie and her friend are watching the boys and Ed. “They must be here following up on that murdered woman,” the other girl says. “Crazy Ed and his vampire story.” “He might be weird, but he’s not crazy,” Jamie says. “Oh come on, you’re just saying that cause the guy has a crush on you and he tips in twenties,” her friend says. She puts a napkin down on the bar which has her lipstick mark on it. She gets called away and leaves as Dean walks up to the bar. “So, you got a beer back there for me?” he asks. “I don’t know, Agent Young, you off duty?” she asks. “And then some,” he says. Sam walks up behind him as Jamie goes off to get the beer, and he picks up the lipstick stained napkin. “So what do you think?” Dean asks. “Goth-psycho-vampire-wannabe, right?” “Definitely not our kinda case,” Sam says. “Agreed,” Dean replies. “But who cares? Room’s paid for, and it’s Oktoberfest.” The boys walk to a table and sit down. “C’mon, brother. Beer and bar wenches.” “Pretty sure women today don’t react well to the whole ‘wench’ thing, Dean,” Sam says. Dean looks at him. “Hey barwench!” he yells. “Where’s that beer?” “Coming up, good sir,” she calls back. Sam shakes his head. “Dude, Oktoberfest,” Dean says with a big smile. Jamie walks up and hands him his beer. “There you go. What can I get you?” she asks Sam. “Oh, he doesn’t drink,” Dean cuts in. “He’s a Christian Scientist. He doesn’t even take aspirin. He’s a real drag on stakeouts.” She laughs. “You’re funny.” “Oh I’m a lot more than that,” Dean says, smiling. “I’d love to get a chance to show you the rest. What time you get off?” “Ha ha. Like I said, funny,” she says, and walks away. Dean watches her go, smiling. “Man it is time to right some wrongs,” he says. “Come again?” Sam says. “Well look at me,” Dean replies. “I mean I came back from the furnace without any of my old scars, right? No bullet wounds, no knife cuts… none of the off-angle fingers from all the breaks. I mean, my hide is as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Which leads me to conclude… sadly… that my virginity is intact.” Sam gapes. “What?” “I have been re-hymenated,” Dean says. Sam snorts. “Please. Dean, maybe angels can pull you out of Hell, but no one can do that.” “Brother, I have been re-hymenated,” Dean repeats. “And the dude will not abide.” “Alright, dude – well you go do whatever you gotta do. And I’m gonna go back to the room and get some sleep,” Sam says. He snorts again, and then leaves.

Dean walks up to the bar, where Jamie is cleaning it. “So? What about tonight?” he asks. “Oh sorry, I promised Lucy a girls’ night out,” she replies, motioning to her friend, the barmaid she was with earlier. “Besides. No self-respecting barwench lets herself get picked up by a customer on the first try.” “Well… I’m not a customer, I’m a Federal Agent,” Dean says. She smiles. “Try again tomorrow, G-Man.” “Wish I could,” Dean says, “But I don’t think we’re staying on the case.” “What?” she says. “Too weird for you?” “Not weird enough,” Dean replies.

Outside, night

A girl and her boyfriend are making out in the car, a wolf is howling in the background. “Rick!” the girl says, stopping him. “Did you hear that?” “What?” he asks. “It sounded like a wolf,” she says. “Come on baby, don’t change the subject,” he says. “I told you what can happen to man if he doesn’t…” “The stories aren’t true,” she interrupts. “They are, baby. If a man doesn’t get the stuff out of his system regularly, it can back up, and cause all kinds of medical-type problems.” He goes back to kissing her. Outside, a shadow is moving towards the car. It has big, hairy hands. Inside, the girl stops him kissing her again. “Do you hear that?” she asks. “Anna Marie,” says Rick, looking annoyed, “There aren’t any wolves in Pennsylvania.” Just then the window breaks behind him, and big hairy arms drag him outside while Anna Marie screams.

The boys are sitting in front of Anna Marie, waiting as she takes a long drink from a very big cup. “And then it just… it tore Rick into little pieces,” she says. “Ma’am, we understand how hard this is, but can you describe the creature?” Dean asks. “Oh,” she says, taking another drink. “It was a werewolf.” “A werewolf?” Sam repeats. “You’re sure?” “Oh yeah. With the furry face and the black nose and the claws and the torn up pants and shirt…” she nods. “Like from the old movies.” “Um, well… okay. Thank you for your time,” Dean says.

Morgue

“First the Dracula, and new a full-on-movie-time Wolfman?” Dean says as the boys approach a big wall of metal drawers. “What the hell is going on in this town?” Sam pulls out the right tray and unzips the body bag. Both boys look disgusted by what they see. “Damn!” Dean says. “Alright, whatever did this, wasn’t a psycho wannabe,” Sam says, pulling out a pencil and lifting up some of the guts. “Look at those bite-marks. Right down to the bone. And deeper.” “Strong enough to tear a healthy man apart limb-from-limb – could be a werewolf,” Dean says. “Yeah except look, heart’s still there, in one piece. They never leave the heart behind,” Sam says. “I guess I re-iterate. What the hell is going on?” Dean says. Sheriff Dietrich walks up from behind them. “Well I was hoping you boys could tell me. I just got a rush-job back from the lab, and those fibers we found on the body.” He holds up a bag. “Canine. Wolf hairs.” Dean rubs his eyes. “I’m getting a headache.”

Bar

Sam and Dean are eating as Dean says, “I dunno man, it looks like we’ve stumbled onto a midnight showing of ‘Dracula Meets Wolfman’. Is that it?” “I dunno,” Sam replies. “I mean Wolfman seems real enough. Makes Dracula seem a little less impossible, I guess.” “Yeah but werewolves don’t grow wolf-hair, that’s just a myth,” Dean says. “Yup,” Sam agrees. “Yeah so what, we’ve got a vampire and a werewolf monster match in this town?” Dean looks incredulous, then quickly straightens up as Jamie walks over with some beers. “Looks like you guys are staying a while,” she says. “I heard about Rick Deacon.” “Yeah, this case just got weird enough for our department,” Dean replies with a smile. “Well, beers are on me – and just so you know,” she says to Dean, “I get off at midnight tonight.” “What, it’s not another girls’ night out?” Dean asks, looking over at Lucy, who is at the bar, lipstick-staining another napkin. “It doesn’t have to be,” Jamie says. “Okay then, I’ll see you tonight,” Dean says. “Okay then,” she says, and walks away. Sam looks at Dean, and Dean smiles. “Hey, you think this Dracula can turn into a bat? That’d be cool.”

Canonsburg Museum of American History

“I don’t know,” a guard is saying into a cellphone. “It looks old. That’s right. An Egyptian kinda deal. It’s just sitting there on the loading dock. There’s no shipping invoice, there’s no nothing.” He starts to walk away. The lid of the sarcophagus moves, and fingers reach over the edge, while smoke pours out. “I don’t know when it was delivered,” the guard goes on. “It was here when I clocked in tonight. I thought you’d know what to do. You think Helen has any record of it in her files?” The guard finally turns, hearing the lid fall off the coffin. There is smoke pouring out of the now open sarcophagus. The guard watches in horror as a mummy slowly rises from the smoke. “Holy mother of crap!” he yells, and drops his cellphone. He grabs his gun and starts shooting at the mummy, which is now coming after him. Nothing happens, and it grabs his neck and lifts him against the wall, choking him.

The body is wheeled away as Dean, Sam, and other cops are checking out the crime scene. Sam stands up, smirking. “The sarcophagus isn’t ancient,” he says, holding up a sticker. It says “The FX Shop Prophouse”. “It’s from a prophouse in Philly.” “Well it goes well with the bucket of dry ice he was keeping in it,” Dean replies, holding it up. “He’s making his own special effects?” Sam says. “A mummy with a good sense of showmanship,” Dean says. “This is stupid,” Sam says finally. “Dammit, Jamie. I’m late,” Dean says, standing up. “You’re good here with the mummy and the… crazy…” “Yeah,” Sam says, waving him off.

Outside the bar, Jamie is waiting, looking impatient. “Your loss, G-Man,” she says finally, starting to walk away. She rounds the corner and hears something weird, so she turns around. A Dracula is standing behind her. “Good evening,” he says in a perfect Transylvanian accent. She runs. He follows her, sweeping his cape over one shoulder. She comes to a dead end, and turns around to face him. “I have watched you for many nights from afar,” he says. “My passion knows no bounds, Meena.” She digs frantically in her purse for something, “You are the reincarnation of my beloved,” he goes on, coming closer. “And I must have you.” She finally finds it and pulls out pepper spray, spraying him in the face. He yells and covers his face as she runs by him. “Son of a…” he curses, with no accent, and runs after her. She runs right into Dean, who is calling her name. “Son of a bitch,” Dean says, seeing Dracula. “You should not use such language in the presence of my bride,” he says, moving forward. “Okay,” says Dean, and punches him in the face. He leaps back up, baring his fangs. Dean goes to punch him again, but this time Dracula blocks him, grabs his neck, and shoves him against the wall. “Jamie, run!” Dean yells. “You have no choice in the matter, Mr. Harker,” Dracula says. “Meena is mine.” He moves to bite Dean’s neck, and in his desperation Dean grabs the vampire’s ear, and to both their surprise, it rips off in Dean’s hand. Dracula runs. Dean runs after him, only to be stopped by a high fence that the vampire already jumped. Dean watches in disbelief as Dracula rides away on a scooter.

Bar

Sam walks into the bar where Dean and Jamie are sitting. “Hey, you guys alright?” he asks. “Yeah I think so,” Dean replies. “And I think I know what’s going on. Part of it, at least.” He pulls out a wrapped up towel and puts it on the table. Sam unwraps it to see the ear that Dean pulled off the vampire. “Uh, the ear part?” he says. “Ripped it off the Dracula’s head,” Dean explains. “Touch it.” Sam thinks he’s joking at first, but finally touches it, looking disgusted. “Feel familiar to you?” Dean asks. Sam realizes. “Oh man.” “Skin of a shapeshifter,” Dean nods. “Just like St. Louis and just like Milwaukee. But this one’s holy buckets of crazy. Oh, and this – I pulled it off during the fight.” He hands it to Sam, it’s the medallion. “Look at the label on the ribbon.” “It’s a costume,” Sam says, seeing the same prophouse tag. “All three monsters, Dracula, Wolfman, and the Mummy – all the same critter. Which means we need to catch this freak, before he ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon’’s somebody,” Dean says. “So you guys are like, Mulder and Scully or something?” Jamie asks. “The X-Files are real?” “No, the X-Files is a TV show. This is real,” Dean explains. “So the stage craft, the costuming, it’s like he’s trying to re-enact his favourite monster movie moments,” Sam says. “Right down to the bloody murders.” “Wait a second, who the hell is Meena?” Jamie asks. “It’s what he called Jamie, and he called me Mr. Harker,” Dean says to Sam. “Jonathan Harker?” Sam guesses. “They’re characters from the movies and the novels, uh – Meena, Dracula’s intended bride, Harker the fiance that stands in the way. Seems like he’s fixating on you, like he sees you as his bride,” Sam says to Jamie. “Well. Lucky me,” she says sarcastically. “But to fixate on you, my guess is that the shifter has to have seen you before, or been around you,” Sam says. “Jamie, has anybody strange come to town?” Dean asks. “I dunno, Dean. It’s Oktoberfest,” she says. “I’m a bartender. There’s lots of people. Wait a second, there is Ed.” “Ed Brewer Ed?” Sam says. “He moved here about a month ago, he swears he has a crush on me. He comes in almost every night,” she says. “But you know, I don’t think he’s the type of guy…” “Where does Ed live?” Dean cuts in. “I don’t know,” she says. “But he works in the old movie theatre. I think he’s the projectionist there.” Dean nods and motions at Sam. “Take care of Meena?” Sam asks. “Yup,” Dean replies, and Sam leaves.

“So, monsters are real,” Jamie is saying as she paces the room. “Some of them, yeah,” Dean replies. “And the shapeshifter, he can turn into different people,” she goes on. “Yeah. Except this one is turning into great monsters of screenland, which is a new one for me,” Dean says. “You’re not really FBI, are you?” Jamie asks. “Not so much,” Dean says. “So this is what you do, you and your partner just tramp across the country on your own dime and you find some horrible nightmare to fight?” she asks. Dean shrugs. “Some people paint.” “Wow,” she says. “What?” Dean asks. “That must suck. I mean, you’re giving up your life for this terrible… I don’t know. Responsibility.” Dean smirks a little. “Last few years… I started thinking that way. And… you know, it started weighing on me. ‘Course that was before…” he stops. Jamie looks at him sympathetically as he struggles for the right words. “A little while ago,” he says finally, “I had this… let’s call it a near-death experience. Very near.” Jamie sits down beside him to listen. “And when I came to… things were different. Life’s been different. I realized that I help people. Not just help them, save them. And I guess it’s… it’s awesome. It’s kinda like a gift. A mission. Kinda like a mission from God.” “So does that make you… some kind of monk or something?” Jamie asks. “Celibate?” “Man I hope not,” Dean says, and Jamie kisses him. Suddenly the light clicks on. “Holy crap, oh my god, Jamie…?” Lucy is standing there, holding a bottle. “Guys I’m sorry, I thought you guys were going out.” “Lucy it’s okay, listen…” Jamie begins. “No, I just came to borrow a bottle, I kinda got something going on back at my…” Lucy says. “Anyway, you guys look really busy, so I’m just gonna get out of your hair.” She turns to leave. “No, seriously, Lucy, it’s been a crazy night. Stay for a drink,” Jamie offers. “Yeah, stay for a drink,” Dean says sarcastically.

Theatre

Sam enters the old movie theatre, where it says the Phantom of the Opera is playing. There are all kinds of old movie posters on the wall, including Dracula. Loud organ music is playing. Sam pulls out his gun and checks to make sure it’s loaded, then heads into one of the theatres. Behind the curtain on the stage, somebody is playing the organ. Sam goes behind the curtain and sees Ed playing. Suddenly Ed presses a button and the music changes to a modern, upbeat music mix. Sam moves closer and suddenly Ed hears him, turning around and yelling. “Whoa, FBI man, what did I do?” he says. “Shut up!” Sam yells. “Okay? You know what you did!” “What?” Ed asks. “I know what you are,” Sam says, holding the gun to his head. “I’m not anything, I just like to play the cassiope,” Ed tries to explain. “Had time to grow the ear back, huh?” Sam observes. “What?” Ed gapes then yells in pain as Sam grabs his ear and starts pulling. Finally Sam stops when the ear doesn’t budge. “It’s supposed to come off,” he says. “No, it’s not!” Ed yells. Sam smiles weakly.

Bar

“Oh that sounds awful! Jamie honey, are you okay?” Lucy asks. She, Jamie and Dean are all sitting down, having a drink. “Yeah I’m fine,” she says, sounding drunk. “Guy didn’t even touch me. Dean just flew right in and fought him off.” “Well I didn’t actually fly, but I’m sure it did seem that way at the time,” Dean says. Lucy blots her lipstick on a napkin, then puts it down. “It was really, really something,” Jamie says, closing her eyes. “Jamie?” Dean says, looking at her. “So, Dean, are you like a black belt, or what?” Lucy asks. Dean turns to look at her, then looks down at the table. The glass in front of him is spinning wildly. “Well I guess they train you to fight at the Academy, or whatever.” She smiles at him, and he suddenly punches her, hard. She falls off the chair onto the ground and Dean stands up, pushing Jamie off with him. “What are you doing?” she murmurs, and passes out on the bench. “It’s you, isn’t it?” Dean says, looking a little unbalanced as he stares down at Lucy. She looks up, her jaw clearly dislocated, and pushes it back into place. Dean kicks her, and she gets right back up. “Oh, dammit!” Dean says, rubbing his eyes. “What did you put in our drinks?” He smashes a beer bottle on the table and moves towards her. “It’s alright. I’ll skin you myself,” he says, and then passes out on the floor. Lucy stands up and walks over, looking down at him. “End… scene,” she says.

Dean wakes up strapped to a wooden plank, metal restraints over him. He is dressed in short pants, high socks, and a frilly white shirt. “Oh come on,” he says. He looks around the dungeon, seeing a painting of Lucy on the wall. “She is beautiful, no?” a voice says, and Dracula enters. “Bride number three, from the first film. She never got the acclaim that she deserved. Which is why I chose her shape, her form, to move among the mortals unnoticed. To listen to the cricket songs of the living. That was when I discovered my bride had been reborn! In this century.” Dean can’t help but laugh. “I can’t get over what a pumpkin-pie-eyed crazy son of a bitch you really are,” he says. “You’re not Dracula, you get that, right? Even if you think you are Dracula, what the hell is up with the mummy?” Dracula punches him in the face. “I am all monsters!” Dracula says loudly. “Life ain’t a movie, you sorry sack of…” Dean begins, but he is punched again. “Life,” says Dracula, “Is small. Meager. Messy. The movies are grand. So elegant. I have chosen – elegance.” He flings his cape wide. “You think elegance is really the word?” Dean asks. “For what you did to Marissa? Or Rick Deacon? Or any of the others?” “But of course,” Dracula says. “It is a monster movie, after all.” “You do realize what happens at the end of every monster movie,” Dean says. “Ah, but this movie – is mine,” Dracula replies. “And in it, the monster wins. The monster gets the girl. And the hero, he is… electrocuted.” He moves his hand toward a lever on the wall. “And tonight, Jonathan Harker, you will be my hero.” “Wait wait wait wait,” Dean says, laughing nervously. Dracula’s hand gets closer and closer to the lever as Dean tries desperately to get away. Suddenly, the doorbell rings upstairs. “Please, excuse me,” Dracula says, throws his cape around his shoulder, and sweeps from the basement.

Upstairs, Dracula walks through his perfectly normal home, with a computer and television and living room, and answers the door. “Good evening,” he says. The kid outside says, “Uh… pizza delivery?” “How excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life shall be spared,” Dracula says. “Uh huh,” the kid says, stepping inside and taking out a pizza. “That’ll be fifteen-fifty.” “Tell me,” Dracula says. “Is there garlic on this pizza?” “I dunno,” the kid says. “Did you order garlic?” “No!” “Then no, look mister, I got four other deliveries to make, so you wanna just pay me the money, so I can go?” the kid says. “Of course yes,” Dracula says. “But I have a coupon.” He pulls it out of his pocket.

Bar

Sam heads inside the bar, sighing. Seeing that Dean isn’t there, he tries to phone him, and gets his voicemail. “Dean, hey listen, Ed is not our guy. I’m guessing you’re at home with Jamie, so just give me a call, okay?” he hangs up, then notices the broken beer bottle on the floor, and the lipstick stained napkin on the table. “Lucy,” he says.

Jamie wakes up in a strange bed, in a very elaborate, fancy room. There is a dress hanging beside the bed. “You wake,” Dracula says, standing nearby. “The gown, it suits your beauty. Please. Put it on.” “Where am I?” she asks instead. “What have you done with Dean?” “Harker is resting, elsewhere,” he says. “Please, put on the gown, and you may dine. We are having… pizza.” “What? What is wrong with you?” she asks. “You made up Lucy, right? Pretended to be my friend…” “I needed to know, if you were the one,” he says. “You could try talking to people,” she says. “But instead you become this?” “The gown…” he says again. “I don’t want to play your stupid game!” she says. “Okay? I just wanna go home.” “PUT ON THE GOWN!” he yells, all traces of his accent gone.

Upstairs, Sam enters the house quietly by picking the lock. Once inside, he draws his gun and moves in.

Jamie has put on the gown. Dracula is looking away. “I have scared you,” he says, no accent present. “You’re the only one I don’t wanna scare.” He turns to look at her. “I just love the movies.” “But they aren’t real,” she says. “You can’t make them real.” “Real is… being born this way,” he says, looking away again. “Different. Real is… having your dad call you ‘monster’. The first time you hear the word. And he tries to beat you to death with a shovel. Everywhere I ran, everywhere I tried to hide, people found me. Attacked me. Called me freak, called me monster. Then I found them. Great monsters. In the movies they were strong, they were feared. They were beautiful. And now I am like them. Commanding. Terrifying.” He moves closer to Jamie, who backs away. “Lonely,” she says. “Was lonely,” he says. “But now I have you.” “Ever think you were lonely because you kill people?” she asks. “Or I kill people because I’m lonely,” he says. He hears something behind him and turns around. “Did you hear that?” “What?” she asks. “Dean? DEAN!” He hits her across the face, knocking her onto the bed.

Downstairs, Dean is still struggling to get out of the restraints. He hears something on the stairs, and looks up to see Sam coming down. Sam runs across the room and starts to free him. “Oh, thank God. Just in the nick of time,” Dean says. “Guy was about to Frankstein me.” He gets down from the block of wood, and Sam sees his clothes. “Hey there Hansel,” he begins, but Dean says loudly “Shut up!” Sam hands him a silver knife, and the boys head to a big wooden door. Sam goes to kick it down, and his foot goes right through it as it falls, obviously fairly cheap. “Let’s go,” Sam says.

They enter the room where Jamie is, and Sam moves forward, seeing her on the bed, only to be grabbed by the Dracula and thrown into a wall, which crumbles and he goes right through it. “You will never win, Van Helsing!” Dracula yells at him, then turns and grabs Dean, who was about to attack him. He hits Dean several times in the face, then grabs him and says “And now, Harker! You die.” But Dean knees him in the stomach, and Dracula falls back. “How about now you shut the hell up?” Dean says. He eyes the gun on the ground behind the shapeshifter, and he looks too. Taking advantage of it, Dean lunges at him again, but Dracula blocks him and hits him square in the face, knocking him down. Just as he’s baring his teeth, two bullets hit him in the chest. He looks down. “Silver?” He turns to see Jamie, aiming the gun at him. “Was… beauty, that killed the beast,” he says, and slowly backs up. “No, Meena. Do not weep. He sits down in a chair slowly. “Perhaps this is how the movie should end.” And he dies.

Dean is kissing Jamie. “Well, thank you, G-Man. You have been of great service to your country,” she says. “Oh yes, I’m very, very patriotic,” Dean says, smiling. He glances back at Sam, who grins at him awkwardly. “Bye,” Dean says, and turns away. “Bye,” she replies. “You guys saved my life, you know, so… thanks.” She smiles and walks away. “I like her,” Sam says. “Feels good to be back on the job, doesn’t it?” Dean says with a grin. “Yeah it does,” Sam agrees. “Hero gets the girl, monster gets the gank…” Dean nods. “All in all, happy ending. With a happy ending, no less.” Sam smirks. “Real classy, Dean.” “All I’m saying is that maybe the shifter had a point. It’d be nice if life were movie-simple,” Dean says, turning to look at Sam. “Although if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn’t do this Abbott-and-Costello-meet-the-monster crap.” “Yeah. No, I know what you’d pick,” Sam says. Dean laughs. “No you don’t.” “Yeah I do,” Sam nods. “No, you don’t,” Dean says. “You don’t!” “Porky’s 2,” Sam says. “What?” Dean gapes. “You heard me,” Sam says, smiling. “Lucky guess,” Dean says, walking away. Sam follows with a grin.

Synopsis by Deanandhisimpala